Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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