i think my mom watched the whole time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
