I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
