Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
high people should be assigned attendants
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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