I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
