eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
