it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
