Your tits are I can't wait for
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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