Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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