I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
