Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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