Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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