Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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