Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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