My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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