to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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