Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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