Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
