Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
