What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize