i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
