Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
