I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
