So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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