hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
