Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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