I'm gonna have a badass scar
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
