I didn't shave. On purpose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
