So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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