ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
