the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
