Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
