if i can run in heels then i can drive
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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