i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
