Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
