I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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