I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
