My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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