I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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