Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
