my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
