the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
