i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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