I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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