As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
