She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
