Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't notice because vodka
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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