At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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