he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
