upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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