I must be too annoying 4 u.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
