I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
