When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
