whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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