Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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