The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
