These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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