A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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