chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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